I don’t know why, i don’t know what and i don’t know how you found your way in, I had those walls around me, but i should have known better or maybe i was too late to watch GoT. I should have known that ever wall that withstand everything can be freezed to collapse but I still wonder how you managed that? My walls were not there to protect me from cold but they were holding the cold within.

you jumped?

Or climbed?

Or just found a little hole to sneak in?

Or you convinced me to open the door, that must be the case, knowing you I can say.

I can say it was nice to have you there, it is always nice to have someone who is warm and comfy..

We had the level of comfort that people envy.

We had… Had..!

So you found your way in my fortress and claimed your right on it and I… I happily surrendered.

So you had your fun, you have your claim and so why m I needed anymore?

M I just someone you turn to when nobody is there?

Or just some kind of obligation you feel you should be concerned with.

Or maybe someone you know will always be there to care.

Funny.. When we have someone there for us we put that person at the last of our list knowing even if everyone leaves that person gonna stay.

But it’s time for that person to leave..

It was you who found his way in so it would be fair if its me who finds her way out.

I’ll find my way out.

They say leave people better than you found them, i always thought you would be the one making things better for me and it turned out it was the other way around.

Now that you are happy,

I should leave..

Goodbye!

Advertisements

That day, in the cafeteria, when we couldn’t keep our eyes off each other and the electric charge that we had between us; from your smile to mine, more of a grin if I’d be honest.

 

The disturbance from our friends was bothering both of us, our polite engagement with them, finding ways to get hold of each other’s gaze and when we were finally alone, sitting together. Remember how you mocked my posture? My neck tilted on the support of my hand while I stare at you.

 

You felt special, didn’t you? At that moment you were caught up too.

 

Holding hands is a cliche, but you always believed in it and I always wondered why.

 

The walk we took in the breeze holding hands, was it love we breathed? You use to find excuses to give those friendly side hugs to me untill one day, when i was angry and you were worried to hell about it. I ran towards you and hugged you like a child and you held me with a sigh of relief.

 

Tell me, it was something beautiful that we had, was’nt it?

 

Rayie

Happiness

I think that happiness is a scary thing!

As you grow up, as life starts getting complicated and multifaceted, happiness also becomes rare and unattainable.

So when you are actually happy to that level,

When it reaches From your lips to your eyes, when it vibrates through your body, when no part of you remains untouched and for that one moment you feel nothing but happy. It’s scary, its fucking scary because you know the moment will pass and it will haunt and it will not come back soon.

Happiness is a scary thing because when you know what it means to be truly happy. You refuse to settle for less, you daydream of the day you were truly happy.

Happiness is a scary thing! One moment its there and puff!! Gone in another.

 

Rayie

Home❣️

On every last night I lie awake, thinking or preparing most precisely to face the journey away. I preschedule my tears of goodbye to a night before so when the time to leave comes I can be the grown up kid.
I never say I miss home, I dodge the question with humor and “I got no time” kinda replies.
I dread coming home too, it makes me weak, tempts me, my home may not be a castle but I have been a princess. A princess who chose to be nothing but ordinary because she is that. Ordinary.
But not in her home, not in her castle.
She eats what she likes without moving an inch,
1/2 a minute of tantrum and her wishes fulfilled.
She is awarded with applauds on every fucking thing.
A world where she doesn’t need to compete, a world where she has been declared the best.
How do you leave such a place?
So I lay awake on the night before, choking tears and laboured breath.
I m loved and pampered and kept safe.
Not played, yelled and betrayed
Out I walk to the reality of life,
Screaming at times,
At times tongue tied.
I have my armor on, and my guards up,
No more the lacy gown or the golden cup.

Rayie

kill

She was looking out of the store window, drinking her favorite coffee. When out of the blue a man showed up and sat down at her table, looking straight into her eyes and she felt an electric charge, unable to blink or break off the hold of his gaze.
The unfamiliar familiarity she felt, like remembering something that never happened.  He smiled at her and uttered a single line “its immortality, my darling! “, got up and went away.
Startled by sudden happening she tried to follow him, catch him only to find herself unable to move,  dizzy and chocking.
The coffee was poisoned, he found her for the 25th time in her 25th life.pexels-photo-948358.jpeg

Was it worth fighting for?

tumblr_static_tumblr_static_2yggpvec7z28c4cocs0ws8k4_640

I want that when you look into my eyes, you find them blank.
I want the words that come out of my mouth are full of indifference.
I want that the smile on my face is not tinted by your presence.
But before it all happens,
I have to go through my own personal hell.
My eyes will be full of broken pieces of hope.
My mouth will convey nothing, suffering in silence.
My face will reveal my heartache.
And even if I achieve how to plaster a happy face.
It wouldn’t heal my hurting soul,
Was it worth fighting for?

kaafi na hui!

heart-cord-suspended-love-160836.jpegKhudki parchai se wakif nhi,

Mere kwab meri haqiqat me shamil nhi,

Sunhere aksharo m likh toh diya h tumhe,

Gar hasiyat meri kali shiyahi se badhkar na hui..

Wo sab kuch gwa kr apna,  pana jo chaha tumhe,

Tumhe pakar bhi mukammal meri Mohobbat na hui,

Juthla kar wajood mera,

Mujhse hi mene khudko cheena..

Badi der hogyi yeh janne m ki tu is kabil nhi..

Teri khudgarziyo ko sawara h sab kuch luta k apna lekin..

Phir bhi teri nighaho me meri wo kimaat na hui..

M khud ko itna baksh du ki meri deewangi me

Na krdu khudko hi me bedakhal

Ki jagah mujhme tere lie kaafi na hui..

Rayie

The fear

Taking a leap of faith,
When i have walked baby steps throughout,
I am scared.
The overwhelming happiness,
The trobbing heart of getting
What i asked.
And yet, i am scared.
That it will disappear,
In the blink of an eye,
Not even bidding goodbye.
Yes. I am scared.
With sparkling eyes
And never ending smile,
Awaken at last by
A beautiful surprise
Still i am scared.
Its tricky and miraculous,
Dangerously fabulous.
Its on a thin line between,
Dream and nightmare,
Gaze and stare,
Gone and there.
I am scared.
Its too much to lose,
Too less to hold on to,
To early to decide.
To fragile to recide.
Its a fear of being fearless,
Its being naked in shyness
Illusionarily realistic,
Innocently sarcastic.
I am scared of being scared,
Its all new
Fresh as the morning dew
Knowingly unknown
A Mischievous frown
Its about me and its about you
The one i am
and the one i am with you.

 

 

 

 

Abandoned like a room old and dark,
Miles away, my SCUFFED heart.
awoken at last,
Scrubbing the RUST,
Shining, it must.
Glittering with your trust.
The PARTICLES of dust,
The CREASED emotions,
The overwhelming numbness,
The years of emptiness,
MOCKING it all vanished,
Your kisses left me astonished.
You read me like a classic book,
Every page of rage you took
By flashing a beautiful smile,
And whispering it’s alright,
You made me THINK
It is possible to live a dream,
That you won’t disappear,
In an inevitable blink
You, my love are one of a kind,
My escape from the prison
Of my own mind.

rayie.