kill

She was looking out of the store window, drinking her favorite coffee. When out of the blue a man showed up and sat down at her table, looking straight into her eyes and she felt an electric charge, unable to blink or break off the hold of his gaze.
The unfamiliar familiarity she felt, like remembering something that never happened.  He smiled at her and uttered a single line “its immortality, my darling! “, got up and went away.
Startled by sudden happening she tried to follow him, catch him only to find herself unable to move,  dizzy and chocking.
The coffee was poisoned, he found her for the 25th time in her 25th life.pexels-photo-948358.jpeg

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Was it worth fighting for?

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I want that when you look into my eyes, you find them blank.
I want the words that come out of my mouth are full of indifference.
I want that the smile on my face is not tinted by your presence.
But before it all happens,
I have to go through my own personal hell.
My eyes will be full of broken pieces of hope.
My mouth will convey nothing, suffering in silence.
My face will reveal my heartache.
And even if I achieve how to plaster a happy face.
It wouldn’t heal my hurting soul,
Was it worth fighting for?

kaafi na hui!

heart-cord-suspended-love-160836.jpegKhudki parchai se wakif nhi,

Mere kwab meri haqiqat me shamil nhi,

Sunhere aksharo m likh toh diya h tumhe,

Gar hasiyat meri kali shiyahi se badhkar na hui..

Wo sab kuch gwa kr apna,  pana jo chaha tumhe,

Tumhe pakar bhi mukammal meri Mohobbat na hui,

Juthla kar wajood mera,

Mujhse hi mene khudko cheena..

Badi der hogyi yeh janne m ki tu is kabil nhi..

Teri khudgarziyo ko sawara h sab kuch luta k apna lekin..

Phir bhi teri nighaho me meri wo kimaat na hui..

M khud ko itna baksh du ki meri deewangi me

Na krdu khudko hi me bedakhal

Ki jagah mujhme tere lie kaafi na hui..

Rayie

The fear

Taking a leap of faith,
When i have walked baby steps throughout,
I am scared.
The overwhelming happiness,
The trobbing heart of getting
What i asked.
And yet, i am scared.
That it will disappear,
In the blink of an eye,
Not even bidding goodbye.
Yes. I am scared.
With sparkling eyes
And never ending smile,
Awaken at last by
A beautiful surprise
Still i am scared.
Its tricky and miraculous,
Dangerously fabulous.
Its on a thin line between,
Dream and nightmare,
Gaze and stare,
Gone and there.
I am scared.
Its too much to lose,
Too less to hold on to,
To early to decide.
To fragile to recide.
Its a fear of being fearless,
Its being naked in shyness
Illusionarily realistic,
Innocently sarcastic.
I am scared of being scared,
Its all new
Fresh as the morning dew
Knowingly unknown
A Mischievous frown
Its about me and its about you
The one i am
and the one i am with you.

 

 

 

 

Abandoned like a room old and dark,
Miles away, my SCUFFED heart.
awoken at last,
Scrubbing the RUST,
Shining, it must.
Glittering with your trust.
The PARTICLES of dust,
The CREASED emotions,
The overwhelming numbness,
The years of emptiness,
MOCKING it all vanished,
Your kisses left me astonished.
You read me like a classic book,
Every page of rage you took
By flashing a beautiful smile,
And whispering it’s alright,
You made me THINK
It is possible to live a dream,
That you won’t disappear,
In an inevitable blink
You, my love are one of a kind,
My escape from the prison
Of my own mind.

rayie.

Love

It seems so unfair,
To be able to see it,
Feel it,
Want it,
Fight for it
But never really able to touch it, grab it, hug it.
It teases with its soft touch,
Running from my eyes, tears.
Stealing kisses from my lips
And dreams from my nights.
It comes with the winds to take my breath away.
And yet it leaves me to live, suffer
In the bittersweetness of its constant presence and absence.

Love.
Is morning sunshine,
Thunder and rain,
Evening breeze
And
Mooneless darkness.
Love is happiness and sadness
Combined with contentment and urges
Its having freedom of control and control of freedom.
A paradox in itself, mocking on sarcasm.
The one challenging the irony of hope.
The little whisper of faith and
Eternal misery of wait.
Love is not a feeling,
Not a person,
Not a being.
Love is love, everything and nothing.

Rayie

 

She

You think she is hard to deal with,
She pushes you to your limits, to your breaking point.
To see if you’re really worth her time.
Its not superiority, no.
Its her way of shielding herself from more disappointment.
Most of you lose,
You blame her for making your inner demon roar out,
As if she puts those words in your mouth,
She made you act the most disgusting way.
But all she does is keep you away,
Out.
She is heavily guarded by walls around her,  you shiver in the wrath of cold wind, outside.

You think she doesn’t treat you right when all she wanna see is how you’ll treat her when you see her for what she is,
When she stops being this unapproachable mystery,
When you meet her inner demons,
When you walk in her darkness
And when she isn’t that happy go lucky as she seems from outside.
She just try to see if you are worth shedding her layers for.

Hope

And i died last night,
He clutched my heart,
And trapped me in the pain.
I saw everything in front my eyes.
Smiles, tears, broken promises,  friends, family, loneliness.
My life was over, almost.
And the night was my new home.
The darkness welcomed me
With open arms.
I surrendered, almost.
Hope.  Believe. Somebody whispered,
Did i ever said no to you, said another voice.
I just have few hours, a third voice.
Three voices, three bright lights.
Took me to the morning through the stormy night.
I swayed with eyes closed,
All strength lost,  almost.
Numb, faint, ready to float.
Breathe again, morning was close.
Blinking i opened my eyes.
Another gloomy night i survived.
Escaping from the darkness with some friendly lights.

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Goodbye

I wanna laugh and I wanna cry
I wanna whisper in your ear
And shout out loud.
I wanna lie down
And I wanna jump up and down.
I am nervous
I am thrilled
I wanna stay
And I wanna go away
I wanna be me
And be something new.
I wanna walk on this ground
But fly in the sky
I wanna travel the world
And come back to my home.
I wanna giggle with you
And meet someone new
I wanna be surprised
And still se familiarity
I want to have predictable
In unpredictability.
I wish solitude
And group of crazy people
I am scared
I m sad
And i m excited.
I am waiting for it
While dreading for it.
I will miss you so much
And I m saying goodbye.