Unrequited Love

I have watched you looking at her the way i look at you.
And i saw the pain on your face that i understood.
The agony of having no control over your own life
As if the key is in someone else’s hand
And you are locked in suffering forever.
There is nothing you could say or do
To change what is true.
I saw how it kills you but you still smile, for her
Like i do for you.
Hiding tears, faking enthusiasm.
Portraying a bold face or a cold indifference.
Both of us silently screaming.
Sometimes its too much
I know you wanna grab her and ask why? Why it can’t be you? Why it can’t be me?
You want her to make you hate her, i want to hate you too. But what can we really do?
Its not her fault, its neither mine nor yours.
We are doomed for rest of our existence
Hoping for a miracle
Dying inside.
You for her and i for you.


Wait

It was a rainy day, she was walking home from work without an umbrella when she met a stranger.
With sharing the same umbrella and sipping tea together soon the strangers became less than strangers.
Every night they met,
While walking from work.
Every day she talked
And he listened.
She smiled
And he stared.
She found a solace
In him.
The stranger became more than anyone else.
It rained again.
And she realised
It was the right time to confess.
Heart beating fast
And shivering voice
She started i…
But he stopped her
And apologized.
He said he isn’t what she thinks.
It can no longer happen.
There is no future for his being.
And she will never see him again.
And she never saw him again
He was gone as if he wasn’t ever there.
As if she imagined him.
Since then, every rainy night.
With his umbrella in the hand
She sat on the same bench
Waiting.

Almost Amour

”I don’t know if i am a monster aria, and i won’t drag u into this hell with me. I m who i m.
may be its too late to save me but its still not late to save you. You don’t have to be a part of this.
Yes i trapped you. ” he shouted unable to control himself he took a moment and then started again
”I did this to take revenge from you for leaving him, he was my best friend. ” he closed his eyes in disgust.
”He convinced me that he loved you and u left him. he said if i break your heart you will go back to him but… But i can’t.” He stammered.
Sigh* ” Meeting u, Making you fall for me was all planned But i never thought i will…. ” He stopped.
(exhale) ” I trapped you.” and he turned away.

Stunned she stood there. Unable to move, to save her world from falling apart. What was she thinking? She has been through this once and she let it happen to her again?

”Stop! Still blaming yourself? You are too good for your own good area . now listen to me. ” he grabbed her from her shoulder
‘U fell in the trap.’
“Mmhmm” She replied recollecting herself she has to be brave, she has to act strong she can go through this. You won’t fall in pieces not in front of him. She mentally tried to convince herself
‘It was never easy, u were the most challenging ever.” he said lost in his mind
” But worth it. ”
She smiled and finished.
‘I was patient he went on, it seemed like he wanted to keep talking.
”I know you were smart and you won’t let me come near you, easily….. ”
”You were consistent ” she replied
‘ Right’ he smiled.
”But even i was surprised when u fell for me. ” he stated
With a sigh she said “It was the pain in your eyes i got connected to, i sensed danger too but your words got better of me.”
“A reader’s weakness, words” he smirked.
‘ You r good and kind, you always see the good in people. You saw it in me and you did everything for me. You took care of me, you were understanding, honest and loyal
And that’s why i have to go away from u”
he confessed.
“Because u fell for me too?” She blurted out
”No.. No i didn’t. It doesn’t matter, Don’t fool yourself again. ” he said angrily.
” I played you and i m being honest with you” he yelled
“because u hv feelings for me.” She said Before she could stop herself.
“I have done it before, i do it all the time.
I flirt around, i have fun but you.
You were going to spoil your career on me,
Giving up an opportunity like that? He laughed
Fool!
‘I hv no feelings OK? Don’t you know better? Haven’t u been through this before. Go save yourself.”
But who he was fooling, she knew it, she knew that he loved her but he has wounded her too. It wasn’t a choice. She could have stayed with him they were in love but its not all about love. She could not trust him, he had lost her trust and her respect . He knew that too. And she was ready to lose everything over him and that’s why she should go away from him And so she did. She went away from him, she did saved herself. But she never stopped loving him. And he never stopped too.. But sometimes no matter how much two persons love each other, they can’t be together because together they hurt each other more. So they saved themselves and each other by staying away.

2 months ago.
If she could have woke up half hour earlier, she wouldn’t have collided into him that day.
She wouldn’t have seen those eyes and it wouldn’t have started. Or may be it would have. Time wants to happen and it eventually finds a way to happen no matter how much you try to avoid it. After her first heartbreak in school, she never gave dating much of a thought. The ghost of her past still haunted her at nights and its still hard for her to trust anyone. But it was those eyes that made her want to know more about them.
The person attached to the pair of eyes was reehan.
Its been a week since they first met and they came close to almost kissing last night.
The environment in aria room was awkward and gloomy, she was meeting reehan in an hour and she was trying to assemble what she gonna say to him.
Hey
Hie
Look we need to talk she said without meeting his eyes
Aria..
Stop i have to say this pls
Ok
Listen i want us to be cleared of what happened last night.
Aria what happened was natural. And i m not gonna deny my feelings for you anymore. And as soon as i get another chance i gonna Complete what i left yesterday.
She blushed, that was one of the things she liked about him, his straightforwardness
But before that i want you to know what you feel about this
Slowly she looked at him.
Yes. I do have feelings for you. But if we are heading towards something serious i want you to know something about me. I know it might be to early to think about serious but i don’t do flings, if i get involved with someone i prefer to think it can be everlasting.
Okay. So whats that you want me to know?
That i have a bad past. And she stopped she wasn’t ready to talk about it. She had hidden it in the darkest corner of her heart. She can’t go there.
Its ok aria, you don’t have to tell me right now. I understand you have a past. You don’t have to talk about it until and unless its what you want.
Okay.
Okay.
‘May be okay will be ours’ he quoted.
And they both smiled.
Love was in the air and food and water and dreams and almost everywhere for reehan and aria. They were quite a match. With reehan all her wounds were sealed painless, aria gave a reason worth living for to reehan.
It was cold winter night, they were out in their secret place watching stars together.
”when i was a kid i used to think ppl who die​
 turn into the stars.”

“its hard to imagine a science geek like you could believe in such illogical story even as a kid” he teased.
“says the guy who keeps a lucky candy wrapper in his locker ” she laughed
” i don’t need that anymore ” he said
Why.? Aria asked
” Because i have you now” he said leaning towards her.
“so i m your substitute to a candy wrapper? Oh its nice to know” she said pushing him a little.
No silly, he said leaning in close, she can feel him breath ing in her hair. “you are my lucky charm”
” I love you”
they kissed.
“I love you too” she said catching her breath.
She sat up, he can see something is bothering her, every time they talk serious about love she seems zoned out.
Why are you so afraid aria.? He finally asked.
She looked at him, thinking to say something or not.
“you know you can tell me anything, i won’t be mad at you” he spoke softly.
”I m afraid beca… Because you are not eligible for love unless you are ready to burn yourself for someone and still choose to love from your ashes. In love you are ready to give up everything, even yourself. Love can make you do silly things, love doesn’t value right or wrong it only values togetherness and that’s what i m afraid of. To become someone i left behind me. ” she exhaled, saying it all out felt oddly light. It had been bothering her for weeks.
He looked at her amazed. She was not meeting his eyes.
“Sometimes love reveals who you are, aria. I don’t know about right and wrong but with you i wanna do the right thing. And i would do every silly thing to make you laugh. Love isn’t the problem, problem is when you fall for a wrong person and love him with all you have. ”
Under the sky in the moon light she kissed him again. All the pain, all the doubts forgotten. She found solace in him.
Aria was lucky she didn’t got caught on her way back to her room, she was noisy and distracted. Filled with happiness, almost bouncy.
She reached her room and got ready for bed. Wanted to see him one more time before closing her eyes she glanced at her phone when she saw a missed call. Ayan.
All the happiness drained out of her.
Past is very excel in sneaking back into our lives without us knowing. One moment she was radiating with happiness another moment he came back to suck every ounce of happiness out of her. No no no she won’t let this happen, she won’t let him ruin this. She has to tell reehan.
She typed a msg for him to meet her first thing in the morning and spend night twisting and turning in her bed waiting for the sun to come up. Thinking about all those moments.
She went to meet him in the cafe when she saw him arguing on the phone
“no.. No.. No! I don’t think she is lying, i think you are lying. No.. I can’t do this anymore, i won’t. There was a pause. Ok she hasn’t told me anything yet.. But.. But..” And he saw her standing “later” he hung up.
He walked towards her.
Hugging he greeted her.
Reehan: Hey!
Aria : Hey.. I need to talk to you… “And her phone rang.
Its from professor tilik
Reehan : Take it.
Aria : He needs to see me in his office, now.
Reehan : Okay i see you later.

The dreams, they do come true for some of us but the trick is the timing. And timing was definitely not right according to aria. She got offered scholarship for her dream college in new York but to leave now is to leave reehan too. May be she can convince reehan to move there with her or may be she can convince herself that she don’t wanna go there anymore but not once did she considered leaving him behind.

Her phone rang.
Hello
Why are you not picking up my call.
Ayan? Is that you? Yes. Why are you not picking up from my number. I have called you thrice.
Have it ever occurred to you that may be i don’t wana talk?
Look Aria. You still love me. And i love you too.
Stop! Don’t you dare say that. I have moved on ayan, I m with someone and i love him. You, you are nothing but a mistake of my past.
Oh c’mon aria, I did some mistakes alright but we can still amend things. Forgive me pls.
Forgive you? Do you even remember what you did or tried to do to me that night? Or how you made a scene in front of all my friends at my birthday party. I was nothing but a trophy girlfriend to you. You made me doubt myself, you made me hurt myself.
I m sorry aria, i really am.
Save it ayan.
But he is not any better, is he? Ohh don’t tell me you don’t know. He isn’t a saint either aria.
Shut up!
And she hung up.
It was hard to breathe. What does he mean by that comment on reehan, was he just messing with her mind. Is there something she don’t know? Now that she thinks of it there is not much she knew about his past.

For the next two days reehan was out of town visiting his parents. Aria was worried, as soon as he gets back they had to have a proper discussion on both if their pasts and also on the scholarship.

Sometimes, living is the bravest thing to do. I met ayan in high school. We were classmates. I used to be the goofy science nerd. The innocent, happy, sweet and passionate one. Top of everything, teacher’s favorite, someone every other student look up to. But being on the top is lonely too. You get many admirers but no friends and thats where ayan comes in the story. It started with maths study group. We exchanged numbers and he was there always. With a bottle of water right after my debate, Saving me a seat in the crowded auditorium, bringing food when i m busy on cultural fest. Little things add up to create something big don’t they? But when he proposed me, i wasn’t ready.
Reehan looked at her. His expressions were unreadable.
“aria are you sure you want to tell me this?”
” i better eliminate everything that can create a wedge between us, i trust you and you deserve to know”
Reehan takes a deep breath, “okay
Just keep in mind nothing can change the way i feel about you”
“I m counting on that” aria said trying to read his eyes.
He smiled.
Aria: ” So, i wasn’t ready but i didn’t knew how much he had become the part of my life, the week that followed was awkward. He wasn’t in touch much and his absence made me realize how much his presence mattered. So when we saw each other and he proposed again, i said yes. ”
Aria smiled taking a deep breath.
After a moment she started again.
” You know when you wish for something obsessively, you try hard to get it? But when you get it you don’t know what to do with it. Yes that was the case with Ayan, i was just a trophy that he could show off. My first kiss wasn’t magical as i had dreamt it was more of a shock, i wasn’t ready or comfortable. And that’s how things were. Lies, one sided decisions, fights and it never got better. I felt suffocated and afraid.
He wasn’t the person he pretended to be.
And i wasn’t the girl he wanted me to be.
I tried saving my relationship by doing whatever i could. I wanted it to work. I did whatever he wanted me to even if that meant compromising who i m for a really really long time but it wasn’t enough. Despite of every effort, he cheated on me. That’s when i walked out of it. ”
She paused, it was hard to talk about it. She had kept it locked for so long.
Aria:” And i want you to know that some part of me is still haunted by it. When i m with you, i feel like my self, i feel happy. Your presence makes me wanna believe in love and i do. I love you. ”

She wasn’t meeting his eyes, afraid what she might saw in them.
What if he despise her or don’t wanna be with her anymore?
Aria: ” Look, if you don… Don’t wanna… I’l understand. ”

Reehan took her on his arms ” Hey, hey hey.. Aria. I love you and i respect you even more. I don’t know what i have done so right to deserve someone like you. ”
They stayed in each others arm for a while, she felt solace, safe. She felt happy but it was time to let go, reehan’s body was tense. He moved, he stood up and started walking and then he came back to sit on front of her
Reehan : ” Aria.
I have to tell you something. I m not the person you think i m. I m not the person i pretended to be with you.”
Aria: “what? What are you saying reehan. ”
Reehan closed his eyes, took a deep breath and in calm but determined voice said ” I m his friend, did he ever talked about ray? ”
Aria was confused “Ray? Ray from Manhattan? You? No. No you can’t be, no that’s not possible.
Ayan said ray taught him how to get a girl, he trained him to get me.
You did that to me?
You?”
Reehan in a flat voice  “Yes from the day he told me he has a crush on you to the day you said yes. I set every step, i asked him to stay away from you for a week, i knew you will come back if you miss him.

It always works.
See i never thought he had it in him to flirt around, he never did before you. I thought he was serious for you. So i did him a favor by helping him get you. I m sorry he did that to you.

” You are sorry? Why do you care?
You are a monster!

After 5 years of breakup.

Aria graduated from new York academy and was working in a reputed science laboratory. Over the years she has also written two best sellers of the year. It was a chilly morning, she was walking her way to the office when she heard
“words are the most underestimated and misused weapons of the world ”
The voice was oddly familier, she immediately turned around to see the owner of the voice
” Reehan?”
“Hey aria”
” What are you doing here?”
“I followed you here ” he joked
I got a job.
And soon they were sitting in a coffee shop talking about job, life, catching up about what happened and all
Reehan: its nice to see you again.
Aria: the feeling is mutual. it reminds me you quoted something from my book.
Reehan : yes
Aria: “oh, well you always were more of a movie person than book? I see that has changed.
Reehan said in a timid voice ” no it hasn’t, its just… Its just you wrote them, how could i not read them, Aria? ”
They looked at each other.
Tring tring… Tring tring..
Holy crap! I forgot, i have a meeting in 10.
I should get going.
Reehan : do i get to see you again?
Aria : weekand, call you. Got to rush.

Reehan reached at the address of nightclub that aria had texted him. He went in and started looking for aria. He finally spotted her dancing with someone. Even after these years, watching her dancing with someone else was unbearable for him. Letting her go was right thing to do, what he ever did to deserve her anyway. After the day they broke up he indulged himself in his studies, determined to do something right.
And he made it to New York and found her too.

Aria: hey, daydreamer
Reehan: hey aria, sorry i… Aria started again
Reehan meet sam.
Sam : so you are the friend she was talking about the whole week.
Sam! Aria smacked his hand.
Sam: chill aria. Welcome to New York reehan.
Reehan : thanks. Its nice to meet you.
Sam: you too. Let me get you something guys something to drink ” he left.
Aria: lets go dance.

They danced drank together, reehan and Sam get along with each other well. Reehan noticed the way Sam looked at her, it seems aria was oblivious to that. They were friends from college time, working together now. Sam definitely has feelings for her but does she feels the same way for him? Is it too late for reehan.

Next they met at a football game. It was when aria left early for some urgent work. Reehan decided to confront Sam
Reehan : ” hey buddy can i ask you something ”
Sam : ” yeah anything, what’s up ? ”
Reehan” look i know its personal but i noticed the way you look at aria and i think she doesn’t know that…
Sam “yes i have been thinking of asking her out but i don’t want to lose her as a friend. You are her friend may be you can help me”
Reehan stared at him.
Sam: “oh c’mon! I know you guys have a history, i sensed that. But its history right? ”
Reehan muttered deja-vu under his breath : ” you are a nice guy, you are my friend too. But i cant help you with this. I…. I can’t. ”
Sam: ” its ok.,i understand. I shouldn’t have asked”
Reehan : ” its ok buddy, lets hid the bar together.”

Life has a funny way of reminding us we are missing something when we think its perfect.
Never did aria thought she will see reehan again then why does it feels like she was hoping she will, like she was waiting for him to come. On the top of it things with Sam were weird these days, he looked like he wanna say something to her but not a word comes out of his mouth. One more day like that and she gonna have to
Grab him by his neck and make him speak what’s wrong.
Next morning in the office.
Aria: morning, Sam.
Sam: um..hey aria, mornin..
Aria: look Sam whatever it is just spit it out. I know you were there last night, at the concert. First we plan it, they you bailed on us. Then you show up and when i waved at you.. You just disappeared? I know u saw me and reehan there.
Sam: Aria.. Its nothing..
Sam: nothing? You are acting weird since the day you went to that football game with reehan. Is it something he said? Tell me.
Sam : “its nothing aria seriously. Look i have to go meet the boss, we’ll talk later.
Aria: later then.
Later never came, she called him but it went straight to voice mail. Sam went out of town for some research work for a week and he didn’t even called aria. Aria assumed the worst, she was sure it was something Reehan said to him that has done this.
She called him.
Reehan hello Aria can i call you later, i m busy right now.
Aria: i need to see you, where are you?
Reehan : in the office, I’ll call back, sorry. Gtg.
Aria hung up and took a taxi to his office.
She went straight to his office, he was in a meeting it seems.
Aria: i want to talk to you.
He was shocked to see her there.
Reehan : i m sorry gentleman, can we continue this later?
The men went out.
Reehan : sit down Aria.
Aria : no just tell me what did you say to Sam.?
Reehan : Sam? What happened? What’s wrong?
Aria : why is he avoiding me? Since the day you guys went to the game together he is acting weird. Tell me what you did to him?
Reehan : oh!
Aria: oh? So you know whats wrong with him? What did you do? Told him about us and everything? Threatened him to stay away or something else? Still playing games reehan?
After all those years! She spitted those words
Reehan’s face tightened with agony, he balled his fists.
Reehan : look Aria, you should ask him. If he hasn’t told you. I m no one to say anything.
Aria: told me what?
Reehan : are you blind? Can’t you see? Anyway its his call to make, not mine. If you want me then i can call him and ask him to give you a call. Aria: no, don’t bother. And she stormed out.

Sam came back that night. Aria was fast asleep when she heard her door bell. She got up to see who is visiting her at the middle of the night.
It was sam.
Aria: Sam? What are you doing here at this hour? I thought you still have 2 more days of tour left.
Sam: i came early, listen i wanted to talk to you.
Aria: did Reehan called? Look whatever he said or did you can tell me okay?
Sam: its not his fault.
At the game, i asked him to help me with…. I m, i love you Aria, i wanted to propose you but i was afraid to lose you as a friend so i asked him to help me.
Aria: oh! (muttering) deja vu..
Sam: what? I didn’t catch that.
Aria : he must have asked you to stay away from me for a week to make me realize your presence in my life and how much your absence hurts or something? Wow! Still the same after all this time?
Sam: what? No no no.. That’s not what happened.
Aria: don’t you dare defend him, she was shouting now.
Aria? Aria listen. He grabbed her from shoulders to make her listen.
Aria he said no. He said he can’t help
Aria: he denied? Then why were you avoiding me?
Sam: after game when we went out for drinks, we were talking about you and he way he talked. It was as if you were his star, the one who is source of all the light in his life. Someone he would end his life for. The smile on his lips when he talk about you, the way he talks about you. I figured he still loved you much more than i love you.
Aria grasped.
But he went on.
” he never mentioned it to me, he just told me that i m a nice guy and if it turns out that you have feelings for me too. He will be happy for both of us. He just wanted me to know that you have been hurt in past and i should take care of you”

Aria for once i thought may be i should ask you out but i was a coward, i wanted to know what you feel about him. I came to that concert and i noticed you with him. You were a different person, a reckless person, laughing out loud. I saw you looking at him in the same way as if he was your star too. It was too much i fled. I heard you calling after me.
Next i was torn between taking advantage of the fact that you two weren’t aware of your own feelings towards each other and asking you out. Or just telling you the truth.
It was killing me. I was this close to asking you out but i realised. What type of person i m becoming?
I took the research project, i thought it would help me to clear my mind. I did research of my own there.
It turned out ayan hasnt heard from reehan from last 5 years. But the most interesting fact is that Reehan was offered a job in london, higher rank and twice pay. He refused it. One of his classmate said he didn’t even considered London he was always planning for New York. I wonder why? But do you?
And yet he said he would be happy if you would choose me. That guy loves u Aria. Damn it!
Oh my god! Oh my god! I accused him. He was so polite and i was shouting at him. She remembered the agony on his face.
“I have to meet him. I have to go”
I’l take you there.
But the flat was locked he wasn’t there, he wasn’t picking up their calls either. They called his office but he left early.
They headed back to Sam’s car when aria saw a shadow in the garden.
Reehan?
Aria? What are you doing here?
Are you ok?
I m sorry reehan i accused you. I m so sorry. She was in tears.
Its ok aria, it was a misunderstanding.
Sam is good for you aria, sorry if i messed that up for you. I promise i won’t come between you guys.
Aria: shutup. Sam is a friend and he is stupid enough to make me realize who i really love.
Reehan looked puzzled.
Aria: 5 years ago we fell in love. But i was haunted by my past and you came to me for al the wrong reasons. It has been 5 years but its still you i hunted down at 3 am. Its still you with whom i feel myself. Its still you i think of when i watch a romantic movie. I love you reehan.
Reehan: oh aria i thought i lost you. I knew i never deserved you. But i never loved anyone else but you.
They kissed.
Chuckling reehan : so?
Aria : so?
Reehan : now what?
Aria: now i m ready to give us a second chance. Are you?
Reehan : i m, love. I m all yours always and forever.